Noir
by Panaru Fuhen
Summary: One-shot originally meant to be part of a longer story. Amidst personal turmoil, Hermione has an intimate conversation with Harry about a certain red headed witch. Contains profanity and non-explicit descriptions of sexual acts. Implied femmeslash / yuri / shoujo ai.


Author's Note: I wrote this several years ago. It was supposed to be the prologue to a longer story, but I eventually scrapped the idea and even lost this file until recently. I figured I may as well post this as a one-shot. Please enjoy.

Even now, with their lives on the line, she could only think of one thing; that first muffled, delicate, innocent moan laced with a deeper desire. She admired the redhead beside her, whose gaze was trained on the enemy. Though she knew she should have been focusing on the battle at hand, Hermione could not help but reminisce…

_Days drag on slowly, torturously into weeks;_

_Weeks drawl painfully into months;_

_Months languish like glaciers into years;_

_Such is love alive, but unacknowledged_

Hermione had always been frustrated about one thing or another. Between Voldemort and schoolwork, she'd found that nothing could calm her distraught mind. Well, almost nothing. Though she always reprimanded herself for being a pervert, the only reprieve she ever knew were the precious lengths of time she spent finding ecstasy by her own hands, late at night when all of her dorm mates were asleep.

The curtains of her bed concealed her perfect form arching toward her hand as she, at least on most nights, gently explored inside herself. On some nights, she would strip naked, place a pillow snugly between her thighs and grind sensually against the fabric all the way into the gentle oblivion of a slow, soothing climax. After especially frustrating days, her body would instead heave violently in a frantic daze as she bore down mercilessly against her own hand, breath caught in her throat, lower lip bleeding, eyes squeezed shut, thinking of nothing but release; not just anticipating the intense pleasure of orgasm, but a literal release from all worldly thought processes, worry and stress sublimating by some unknown means into complacent euphoria. Only then could Hermione sleep peacefully.

Lately however, she could not find solace even in masturbation. It wasn't that it no longer felt good. If anything, it felt better than ever, though she was reluctant to admit it.

_This is so __**fucking**__ unfair,_ she thought to herself. In her vast knowledge of books, modern and ancient, popular and obscure, fiction and non-fiction, she had never once heard of a case in which a person lost even the luxury of touching themselves. _What the bloody hell am I supposed to do now?! Even Robinson Crusoe could enjoy a wank on a deserted island for god's sake. _

At lunch in the Great Hall, Harry noticed her chewing her lip and also noted that it was torn far too much for this to have been the work of a few minutes.

"'Mione, you've got perfectly good food on your plate, I don't see why you need to cannibalize yourself," Harry smirked amiably at the witch, who reciprocated his notion with a glare that he was certain held the force of an _Avada Kedavra_. He held his hands up in defense, "I'm just worried about you, 'Mione, want to talk about it?"

The death glare melted into a heated blush, and Hermione dropped her gaze and shook her head, "Thank you, but don't bother with it, Harry. It's nothing serious."

Harry, though unconvinced, dropped the matter for the present, shaking his head a few minutes later when he noticed that her teeth were brutalizing her lower lip once more.

_Oh you stupid, stupid girl…I already thought I was dirty and sinful and twisted before, but this is just unreal. How can I possibly masturb- pleasure myself if I'm thinking of-_

"Hey Hermione!" a cheerful voice called out to her, dropkicking her out of her heated reverie. She looked up to find stunning blue eyes sparkling with mirth.

"H-hi, Ginny…" Hermione tried to avert her gaze, but it always seemed to gravitate toward the eyes of the young witch who stood beside her.

"I have a bit of a favor to ask you," Ginny smiled sheepishly. Hermione continued to stare dumbly, mouth partially open. Ginny continued, "Uhm, well you see, I have a Defense Against the Dark Arts essay due tomorrow, and I was hoping to get your help proofreading for content and technical stuff later tonight."

"Uh-uhm…I…I", Hermione began, but Ginny cut her off, "I totally understand if you're busy, 'Mione, I know it's my fault I waited until the night before."

"I-I…" Hermione was beyond lost for words, and she realized how horrible this must have looked to the innocent girl asking politely for her help. _She's going to think I'm making excuses if I decline after all this stuttering, but I can't…I can't…_

"I'll help you Ginny," Harry's voice sounded. Both girls turned toward him.

"You will?" Ginny tilted her head and looked at Harry, not meaning to convey doubt, though it was pretty obvious.

"Hey!" Harry feigned hurt, "I know I'm not as smart or talented at most things like Hermione, but when it comes to Defense Against the Dark Arts, believe it or not, I'm generally more skilled." Ginny considered it for a moment, and remembered how impressed she had been at Harry's splendid Patronus manifestation.

"Okay! Thanks Harry! So tonight, at around 8:30 in the common room, then?" Harry nodded his assent and shifted his gaze to Hermione, who mouthed her gratitude. He just smirked knowingly.

Ginny patted Hermione's shoulder, not noticing the brunette stiffen at the contact, "I know I can count on your help next time, right 'Mione? I'll make sure to ask days in advance."

Hermione nodded, and Ginny walked away. Hermione's shoulders visibly relaxed as she exhaled. She rested her head on the table in front of her, careful not to dip her hair into her untouched plate, until she grew tired of the gaze she felt burning a hole into the top of her head. Hermione raised her head irritably, "What!?"

Harry's cocky smile was still in place as he shrugged, "I get it."

The girl straightened, "What exactly is it you think you 'get'?"

"Why your lower lip looks like you've been using it as a pincushion." Harry stifled a chuckle as he saw Hermione stiffen for the second time. He would have to handle this situation delicately and with decorum...well, at least mostly.

"Oh?" was Hermione's simple response.

Harry nodded.

"Care to be less vague, or shall I pummel it out of you?"

"Tut, tut Hermione Granger. Since when are you so violent?" Harry gave the girl a look of mock bewilderment.

Once more, the girl's face flushed crimson. _It's not my bloody fault. I haven't come in about a week, damn it!_

"Alright, alright, it's not fair of me to tease," Harry said evenly. "Look, just…don't you think it would be easier on yourself to just tell her how you feel?"

Hermione, who had finally worked up the motivation to at least sip at her pumpkin juice, promptly choked on it. "What!?"

The people sitting around the two and those at the adjacent tables turned to look for a moment before returning to their own conversations. Hermione dropped her voice to an angry whisper "You think I…I _**like**_ her like that!?"

"Well…yeah, don't you?" for a brief second, Harry was embarrassed that he had maybe misread the situation entirely.

"N-no! I mean, that's not it…exactly." Harry raised an eyebrow and Hermione went on, "Look, I'm not comfortable discussing this here, okay?"

"Fine, then let's go somewhere else."

Hermione threw her hands in the air, "I'm not sure I feel comfortable discussing it anywhere, really! Fuck, Harry, I have trouble discussing it in my head!"

At the swear word, Harry's defenses crumbled and he laughed uncontrollably for awhile. Hermione stared at him sullenly, "I'm glad you've had fun, Mister Potter." She started to get up, but Harry's hand shot across the table and grasped her arm.

He was still laughing softly as he shook his head, "'Mione, seriously, I want to help you with whatever it is about Ginny that has you like this. That's what friends do, right?"

She sighed and started to walk away. Harry, though laughing just moments before, frowned dejectedly until Hermione stopped and called to him without turning around, "So are you coming, or not?"

Harry got to his feet and followed Hermione down the school's corridors, quickly realizing that they were probably headed to the library. Once there, the two made their way to the stacks, where few students dared venture for fear of getting lost in the endless maze of musty tomes.

"Okay Hermione, spill."

The girl remained silent, finding her palms very interesting suddenly.

"Hermio-" Harry began again but Hermione finally decided to speak, "Harry, what is the one thing in the world that brings people the most pleasure?"

Harry could not see how this was relevant to the situation, but after pondering for a bit, he answered, "I can't really answer for everyone in the world, but for me it would be Quidditch, I guess. Flying is such a great rush and-"

Hermione shook her head and raised a hand to silence him.

"Think…more personal things."

This was getting really abstract now. Harry thought he understood what Hermione was getting at and hazarded another guess, "I suppose love brings people the most pleasure…"

Hermione shook her head more violently and uttered a low growl, "Damn it, Harry, stop being a prudish git! When I say 'pleasure' I mean…physical pleasure."

"Oh…_**oh**_," Harry's eyes widened. "Shagging, then?"

Hermione blushed, "Well, the end result…"

Harry nodded, "An orgasm." Hermione nodded back.

"Okay, so what about it 'Mione?"

"What would you do if you couldn't?"

"Couldn't what?"

"Don't be dense, Harry."

"Uh, I guess I'd be...frustrated?" Harry understood the significance of Hermione's lip chewing, and blushed at the knowledge.

"Right…well, I haven't been able to touch myself, let alone…orgasm," Hermione shut her eyes. _How could I be talking to Harry about my sexual habits? _

Harry was still reeling a bit. He swallowed heavily and tried to talk, "Uhh…wh-why not?"

"Because, when I try…I end up thinking of…" Hermione trailed off and could not bring herself to finish.

Harry knew everything now. He nodded slightly, took a breath and pressed on, "What's wrong with that?"

"What!? What the hell do you mean 'what's wrong with that?'!? I'm a girl, Harry, first of all, so how can you be so calm and collected about all this? How can it not be wrong that one of your best friends might be a…a...lesb…lesb…"

"Homosexuality isn't wrong 'Mione," Harry answered matter-of-factly, sparing her the torture of getting the word out.

Hermione sighed. She had always been very open-minded and she knew Harry was right but when it came to herself... "I _know_ that, Harry! But…but I'm not one!" _Am I?_ "And secondly, assuming I _was_ a lesbian, which I'm not-"

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," quoted Harry, earning him a spiteful glare from Hermione, who continued without wavering.

"-how can you be alright with this notion considering that Ginny is Ron's younger sister?"

"You two aren't together any more, and so I think I have the right to want you to be happy, regardless of what Ron thinks. Though..." Harry trailed off, eyes focused somewhere above Hermione's head as he thought for a moment, "...to tell you the truth, I think Ron would be pretty glad to hear that you broke up with him because you were a lesbian instead of due to a lack of 'sparks'. At least that way he wouldn't have any reason to blame himself, thinking that working harder at the relationship would have yielded results eventually."

Hermione gaped at Harry's astute observation. "…I suppose, but that's not the point! And besides, weren't you interested in Ginny yourself?"

"Eh, that was just an immature crush on both our parts, really."

Hermione glared and muttered, "Fine, shoot down every bit of logic..."

Harry curbed another laugh and sighed, "Okay, Hermione, okay. So basically, you're frustrated because you haven't had an orgasm in…"

"A week."

"Right then, you haven't had an orgasm in…a _**week**_!? Hermione, is that all!?" Harry stared at his friend incredulously. Hermione hid her face in her hands as he continued "Come on, 'Mione, that's nothing! What are you, some sort of cat in heat!?"

"It's a stress reliever, okay!? God forbid I have some escape from all the bollocks I put up with," Hermione pouted. Harry remembered her insane schedule. It was so extensive that she required a time-turner after all. He nodded once more.

"So you haven't had an orgasm in a week, because every time you try, you end up thinking of Ginny, and you stop because you don't like girls that way."

Hermione nodded.

"'Mione, I'm going to really need you to listen to me on this one." The girl leaned toward him inquisitively and he continued, "Just go with it. If an orgasm is what you need to keep calm, just go with it. It doesn't make you a lesbian just because you think of Ginny a couple of times. Who knows? Maybe going all the way with her in your head once will make it go away."

Hermione blushed and shook her head.

"You mean you have?"

"Yeah. The first couple times I thought of her, I tried to ignore it and just kept…going."

"And?"

"It was…great." Hermione whispered the last word breathily with her eyes closed and didn't see Harry's amused grin.

"Well in any case. It still doesn't make you a lesbian. I mean, it's not like you're ogling her arse in person, right?" Hermione nodded. "Now, if it was Pansy you were fantasizing about, I'd label you a dyke without another thought." She punched him.

"Ouch! A joke, 'Mione, a joke!" he chuckled lightheartedly. "But seriously though, problem solved, right?" She nodded again, like a small child.

"Thank you, Harry."

"Hey, don't mention it. Besides, it's not as if I didn't get anything out of this. Now I know my bookworm of a best friend is a frequent wanker and I have something to visualize next time I-" Harry received another playful punch on the shoulder.

"Don't press your luck, Potter." She was met with more laughter. The pair got up, dusted off their robes, and exited the library. They stood outside the double doors together for a long while before Harry broke the silence.

"I still can't believe it though." he sounded earnestly perplexed.

Hermione cast a concerned glance in his direction, "What's the matter?"

"Just one week, Hermione? Good lord, love, you're a nymph!" He took off running down the corridor, in the general direction of the Gryffindor common room.

"Harry James Potter!" Hermione gave chase, wand brandished toward the receding figure whose laughter echoed vibrantly, and even she managed to muster a smile.

Author's Note: As always, please review if you liked it and flame if you didn't. Everything's appreciated.


End file.
